Back to Work

Today is my last day of maternity leave so I'm spoiling Mason with lots of love, attention and cuddling all day long, which is basically what I did for the past three months.  I have shed lots of tears over this decision and I'm sure there are still more to come.  Tomorrow is going to be an extremely hard day.  This is by far the toughest decision I have made in awhile and I'm still not convinced it is the right decision long term.  When I had the twins I didn't think twice about returning to work.  This time around is different.  Mason is our last baby so I want to enjoy every minute with him.  Jackson and Harper are also at such a fun age and I would love to be home with them everyday and get them involved in activities outside of daycare.  But on the other hand I enjoy being challenged and having adult interaction on a daily basis :)  Working also makes me appreciate my time with the kids even more.  This will be a decision I will constantly be reevaluating.  With how much we are paying for daycare it will take a lot to make it worthwhile.

I have been a different person/mother/wife for 3 months.  I haven't been stressed to get things done around the house and I haven't been in a constant rush.  It has been so great having flexibility!  But with returning to work, my anxiety level is already increasing thinking about getting on the highway tomorrow evening at 5:10 with all 3 kiddos crying for dinner, when I still need 30 mins to throw something together when we finally get home.  Then rushing everyone through dinner and cleanup so the kids can have maybe 30 mins to play before we have to start baths and head to bed.  Then after bed squeezing in laundry, house cleanup, yard work etc before I can sit down for maybe 10 mins to relax before heading to bed.  It will take a little time but we will get back in our crazy routine and hopefully all will be normal again.

Tomorrow I will be missing this face, smiles, laughs and coos all day long.  5:00 will not come quick enough!  And as always I will be missing Jackson and Harper just as much!